


(Not) Alone

by blookangaroo



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Depression, Dream Team SMP Spoilers, Exile, Mental Breakdown, Mental Health Issues, Mentioned Toby Smith | Tubbo, Post-Manberg-Pogtopia War on Dream Team SMP (Video Blogging RPF), Short One Shot, Swearing, TommyInnit Swears (Video Blogging RPF)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-08
Updated: 2020-12-08
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:08:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27962801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blookangaroo/pseuds/blookangaroo
Summary: After his exile from L'manburg, Tommy is rightfully seething with rage. During his struggle with depression, he is comforted by an old friend.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Wilbur Soot & TommyInnit
Comments: 11
Kudos: 176





	(Not) Alone

**Author's Note:**

> TW for swearing, depression, and other implied mental health problems

“This is bullshit.” Tommy said. “Absolute bullshit. I thought he was my friend! How could he do that? He fucking  _ exiled  _ me, Will!” 

“I know, Tommy. It’s getting late, do you need a tent?”

“I suppose I could take one. How much wood do we need?”

“Not much more, we just need to surround the campsite.” Wilbur answered, carrying over some wood to the campsite and propping it up to build a wall around it to keep the two safe. 

“I just.. I really don’t understand how he can do that to me! To everyone! He’s becoming just like Schlatt!” Tommy growled, angrily chopping at a tree.

“Oh, I don't think so…” Said Wilbur, grabbing some wool and fences to pitch a tent for Tommy. “Schlatt’s the bad guy, right?”

“One of them…” Tommy scoffed. He grabbed the supplies from Wilbur in a quick motion that nearly knocked Wilbur over. He stomped out of the campsite into a spot around halfway in between the site and the dirt shack they were temporarily living in for the past few days, and set up his tent for the night. It really was getting late. “I guess time flies when you’ve been betrayed by your best friend”, Tommy thought, walking back to the campsite from his shoddily pitched tent. The ambient sounds of the woods and the wind rushing through the trees would have been calming if Tommy hadn’t been filled with rage, but he had other things on his mind.

“Have a seat, Tommy. It’s getting cold.. I’ll make a campfire.”

Tommy reluctantly sat down and watched Wilbur set up the wood and strike his flint and steel together. He watched the flames dance around, the embers flying in every direction. To be truthful, it wasn’t so bad here, but he hated the campsite with a passion. He felt alone.

“Listen- I-” Tommy started, holding back tears “I just want to go home!” Tommy broke down, tears running streaks through the dirt on his face. “This isn’t  _ fucking _ fair! You don’t understand what it’s like to have your own best friend push you away and swear to never see you again!!”

“Well,” Wilbur started, but cut himself off. “Here, have some blue.”  
Wilbur threw some blue dye at Tommy, but he picked it up and chucked it into the campfire.

“I fucking hate it here, I feel like shit, and the worst part of it is, I’m all alone.”

Wilbur gave a confused yet sympathetic look. He sat down next to Tommy and looked into the fire with him.

“You’re not alone, Tommy, I’m here.”

“I’m going to sleep.” Tommy huffed, and stomped back to his tent. Tommy laid in his sleeping bag, the words echoing in his head. “You’re not alone, I’m here”. For the first time in so long, he was glad to be with Wilbur.

“C’mon Tommy, it’ll be fun! Like a vacation!” He had said. 

But Tommy didn’t want a vacation, and he definitely didn’t want to be anywhere near Wilbur. But now, the one he swore not to become was the only one there for him.

When he woke up, he thought it would only be right to apologize to Wilbur. To be fair, he  _ did _ say some pretty nasty things, and Wilbur seemed to not know what he’d done wrong. When he walked into the campsite, expecting to see Wilbur preparing a fire like he had every day for the past.. Nearly a week, he thought, he was surprised to see that the campfire was unlit, and that Wilbur was nowhere in sight. Tommy looked inside the house that Wilbur had built himself within the walls of the campsite, as well as the woods around it. He even looked around the village that wasn’t too far away from where they’d set up camp. Still, Wilbur was nowhere to be found.

“Great,” Tommy thought. “I’m sure he’s in L’manburg, along with literally everyone else.”

After sitting in silence for a while, watching the clouds pass by in the sky and the animals walk around in the woods, he decided he’d go to the nether to sulk, and at least get something out of his time alone. Walking towards his tent, he thought over what Will would be doing in L’manburg. Surely, he thought, he wouldn’t be hanging out with Tubbo, who had made it very clear that he no longer had sympathy towards Tommy when he exiled him. Tommy shook it off, thinking it best not to dwell on that sort of stuff, but knowing full well that he had no control over what he thought about, and that unless he distracted himself quickly, that would be all he does all day. 

As he gathered the things from his tent, an iron sword, some heavily worn iron armor, a diamond pickaxe and some food, (pitiful, really, but he was basically starting anew, so it wasn’t bad for a few days’ work.) he tried to distract himself by listing what he needs to get in the nether.

“Let’s see… blaze rods, maybe a ghast tear or two,  _ What if Tubbo is telling Will not to trust you? What if he’s turning everyone against you. Quackity, Fundy, Ranboo, too… _ do I… do I need, er…” It seemed that the longer he spent away from everyone, his thoughts became more plagued with dark, sad ones, as well as memories of the past, and things he wished he had done differently. 

Tommy splashed himself with the water in the small bucket he’d set aside. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t want to think about those things, and he didn’t want to ignore them. All he could do was distract himself. After all, he thought, you can’t be sad when you’re busy narrowly escaping death. To him, fear had become more of a coping mechanism than anything else. He didn’t really have anyone to talk to, so he just… kept it to himself. He didn’t want to admit how much pain he was in, so he’d convince himself that it just wasn’t so bad to feel numb all the time. He convinced himself that he may be miserable all the time, every thought may be painful, but at least he was still there. At least he was alive, though truthfully, he didn’t want to be. It became more and more frequent that he thought about death, and the more he thought about it, the more appealing it became to him. He took a deep breath, realizing he was still sitting on his makeshift bed in his tent, and that he’d gotten nowhere. Often, when he dissociated and spiralled into depressive thoughts, by the time he’d ground himself he would’ve at least gotten something done, but this time he was sitting in the same place, sitting in silence for however long.

He walked to the nether portal, sword in hand. The portal stood tall, reflecting a soft violet light onto the ground beneath it. Its whooshing ambient sounds fit nicely with the hypnotic purple swirls of the translucent, stained glass-like portal material. He walked into the portal, a haunting sound ringing through the air as he was transported into the underworld. He walked around for a bit, inspecting the terrain and searching for a direction he hadn’t gone yet, so that in addition to getting some supplies he could also find other resources, maybe hunt some mobs. One thing he saw made him do a double-take. Out of the corner of his eye, he spotted something.. Out-of-place. Bright green.  _ Dream _ . If there was anyone he absolutely, without a doubt, utterly despised, it was Dream. The smug bastard who was behind almost every problem in his life. The stupid discs, Wilbur turning against everyone, him being exiled, and pretty much everything in between.

“Yo, Tommy!!” Dream called to him, but Tommy didn’t answer. With his head held up high, he turned to walk in the opposite direction, but Dream caught up to him and began following him around.

“What the fuck do you want?” Tommy asked, irritated.

“Woah, hey, listen, I know there’s bad stuff between us but I really don’t see why we can’t put it past us!” Dream said.

“You don’t- You don’t see why we can’t put it- Dream! You ruined my entire fucking life! Leave me alone!” Tommy drew his sword, preparing to hit Dream off the platform the portal stood on and into the lava. “You  _ RUINED  _ my-” Tommy looked at Dream, tears welling up in his eyes. He collapsed onto his knees, pulling himself into a sitting position on the warm stone surrounding the portal. 

“You ruined my life, Dream. Every problem I have, you’re behind it. I know I can’t keep blaming others for my problems but it’s true!” He choked back a sob. It’s- It’s all your fault. I can’t forgive you for that.”

“Tommy.. I can’t pretend I know how you feel.” Dream started. “I’m really sorry, man. I just- listen. I’m sorry, okay? But you can’t just stay like this forever. I know you’re all alone out there, but.. You can’t just stay like this forever.”

“Well, I mean, I’m not all alone. I have Wilbur, I guess.”

“C’mon, Tommy, I mean, I know he’s ‘there in spirit’ or whatever but like.. It’s not like he’s exiled too or anything, you-”

“No-no, of course not, not permanently, I mean, he wasn’t exiled, he can go back” Tommy answered. “It’s just- He’s obviously there, though. He’s been hanging out- err, trying to hang out with Fundy and Phil in L’manburg right now, probably. Or he’s, uh.. still in the camarvan making drugs, or some weird shit, but he left with me! He’s.. coming back!”

“Well, yeah he’s still around, but Tommy...” Dream said in a hushed tone. “You- you know he’s not here-here, right? He’s not with you”

“Bullshit, We’ve been hanging out together in the campsite for a few days already! Lads- Lads on tour, right? You talked to him!”

“No, Dude, I didn’t. Tommy, for real though? I think you’ve been alone for a little too long, I’m a bit worried about-”

“Well there’s nothing to worry about! We’re fine! I promise!”

“ _ Tommy! _ ” Dream shouted. “Wilbur’s not there!!”

“N-no.. no! He has to be there, I talked to him! You talked to him! He- he gave me blue! Y’know how he does that, he- he talked to me.” Tommy stuttered.

“Wilbur never left L’manburg, Tommy! He- He never left... Wilbur’s not there.”


End file.
